Do you ever stop to look at your child(ren)? I mean, really stop what you're doing and just take a good, long look? Every once in a while I find myself doing this; I can't help it, really. It's those little random moments when they're all sitting on the couch together, or playing outside or even strapped into their car seats on a long drive, when I feel compelled to just stop and look. I examine their facial features, their expressions, mannerisms, physical characteristics- everything. I love discovering the ways in which they are alike, and the ways in which they are oh so unique. I admire the way Sadie's hair is highlighted so beautifully, the deep ocean blue of Ethan's big eyes, the perfect porcelain canvas of Rebecca's skin. I laugh at their sweet giggles, the goofy smiles on their faces, and am moved by the tenderness that exists between them. This is not to say, of course, that they are perfectly behaved or even nice to each other a majority of the time. Far from it. But I relish in those moments when I see their sweet spirits shining through and am reminded of who they truly are; and what an enormous blessing and sacred trust it is to be a mother.
I experienced one of those moments again this morning, when I saw my fourth and final baby during my 20 week ultrasound. Obviously, this is not the first ultrasound I've had. But it still takes my breath away every single time; I never tire of seeing them, or stop marveling at how something so small can be so amazing. We found out that we are having another girl, our third, and we are over the moon. Here she is in profile, with her sweet little snub nose:
My heart is overflowing with gratitude for this precious child, this baby girl that will complete our family. In many ways I feel unworthy of such an amazing gift and responsibility, but I hope and pray that we are up to the challenge. This little girl was not in our plans, but it's obvious to me that she had other ideas. She is meant to be in our family, for reasons I hope to understand some day soon. But for now I will simply love her and anxiously await the day when I can meet her and discover just what makes her special. And mine.